


These Hands of Mine (Will Carry You Home)

by opheliasashes



Series: A Handful of Shadows [1]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Because they technically aren't supposed to be together, Canon Compliant, Established Relationship, F/M, Light Angst, Post-Canon, Secret Relationship, except it should be obvious to everyone that these two are a thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-05
Updated: 2017-05-05
Packaged: 2018-10-28 12:50:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10831635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/opheliasashes/pseuds/opheliasashes
Summary: They kept to the shadows. Stole moments when they could and swallowed the longing when separation couldn’t be helped. She was never far away but was almost always arm’s length out of reach.





	These Hands of Mine (Will Carry You Home)

 They called her the Serpent. Slinking through the shadows, going completely unnoticed until it was too late. When she decided someone was a threat to the life of his Imperial Majesty, it was essentially the equivalent to tightening the knot of the hangman’s noose. They said she was silent, efficient, every part the killer. And this wasn’t counting all the gossip about the arm. After all, what sort of woman would willingly allow a weapon to be welded to her body? It was all well and good that she had lost the arm in the line of duty, as it was her duty to die for the Emperor if need be, but still. The amount of pride she seemed to take in the false limb, and by that extent the shame she refused to feel for her disfigurement, only added to the wildfire that the head of the Emperor’s guard must be unhinged, for lack of a better term.

 Ling thought that it was the most ridiculous thing he’d ever heard. Not so much the idea of Lan Fan being dangerous, because he knew exactly what she was capable of, but this idea of her being an emotionless, regal individual. He chuckled at the thought as he leaned back against the rock he was slumped against.

 _Give it another minute before she finds me here,_  he thought to himself. No matter where he went or how well he hid, Lan Fan was almost unnaturally adept at finding him when he was shirking his royal duties.

“You aren’t supposed to be here.” Ah, right on time. Ling craned his neck upwards to the top of the tree near the edge of the garden wall. Had he not know what to look for, he might not have even caught the flicker of moonlight on metal.

“But here I am. I’m guessing you’re going to scold me as usual.” Movement from the top of the tree. A single jump, a silent landing, and suddenly she was right there in front of him.

“I don’t scold you Young Lord. It’s my duty to keep you safe and I can’t do that if you’re sneaking away from wherever it is you’re supposed to be.” He could practically hear the frown in her voice.

“Believe me Lan Fan, if I had to endure another second with the Minister of Finance I’d be in danger of either throttling him or hanging myself. Hiding out here is what’s best for everyone.”

“Have you eaten yet my Lord?” Now she had his attention.

“Not for a good two hours.” As if on cue, his stomach gurgled and he laughed in a half-apologetic manner. Wordlessly, she seemed to make a basket of goodies materialize from thin air and tossed it at him. As he caught it Ling swore her eyes seemed to soften behind the mask. For what felt like the hundredth time, Ling decided he really hated that aspect of her uniform.

“I knew you’d be hungry.”

“I’m starving. Lan Fan you are a bringer of heavenly gift.” As he began to lay the spread out before them, he motioned for her to come take a seat beside him. She hesitated and he instantly knew what she was thinking.

“There’s no one here to see,” he whispered, “and even if there was, I would say that I ordered you to dine with me.” At that, she nodded and dropped to the ground beside him. Close enough that there was only a breath of space between them, but still so far. Hesitantly she removed the mask, a stray hair falling out of place as she did so.

“Is there something wrong my Lord?” He must have been staring. He hadn’t even realized it.

“No! Nothing’s wrong Lan Fan.” She looked at him quizzically before tearing a small piece from a loaf of bread and popped it in her mouth. He did the same, chewing thoughtfully.

“ You know, you don’t have to use the honorifics when we’re alone together. In fact, I’d prefer it if you’d just call me Ling. I’ve asked you to do it before.”

“Addressing you in such a manner is shameful my Lord.”

“Not for you.”

  The words fall heavy between them. Ling thinks of a string of stolen touches and rushed kisses. Of words whispered years ago on their journey back across the dessert. Mei Chang had been sound asleep, exhausted and curled up by the fire. Their conversations were witnessed only by a lone coyote and all the stars of the desert sky.

  The trip home had changed everything and yet nothing at all. They were both masters of restraint. There was a lot of gossip that ran through court circles about Lan Fan, but no one dared to suggest that she could be warming the Emperor’s bed. After all, it would be shameful to imply that his Eminence would ever want a disfigured woman. So they kept to the shadows. Stole moments when they could and swallowed the longing when separation couldn’t be helped. She was never far away but was almost always arm’s length out of reach.

Except when she wasn’t. Like now. He could touch her if he wanted to.

Chastely, he leaned in and pressed a kiss to her lips.

“If I remember correctly, you didn’t have a problem with it a couple nights ago.” She turned a shade of red that matched nicely with the discarded mask on the grass beside them. If he was anyone else, he knew he’d be smacked for that comment.

“You’re absolutely shameless,” she hissed, but there was no real venom in it. Instead she threw the remainder of the loaf of bread at him, “Now be quiet and finish your food.”

  Ling didn’t need to be told twice. He tore into the bread, not caring that he had made a mess of his robes and looked rather undignified. After all, the only person here to see was Lan Fan, and she had long since realized that behind his poised and graceful façade, he was the definition of disaster.

“Do you want to hear the latest rumour I heard about you?” he asked with a mouth full of food. It had become something of a game they played, swapping gossip that they heard about one another.

“Always,” she replied, the corners of her mouth turned up to an almost-smile. Ling’s heart skipped a beat.

“Apparently you can charm shadows like snakes now. That’s how you always manage to stay hidden in the darkness.”

“That would be an incredibly useful skill to have,” she said, amusement dancing in her voice.

“Well, you already know what they call you. This is just more proof that the Serpent lives up to her name.”

“Perhaps I should add a snake design to my automail. That would really get them talking.”

  He should have found her comment funny. He knew it was all in jest, but still. Something about it left a bad taste in his mouth. For all the times they’ve laughed over the ridiculousness of court whispering, Ling had always thought them to be just that: ridiculous. The very idea of Lan Fan confirming every nasty thing that dripped from the lips of those who didn't know her was disquieting to say the least.

“But you aren’t the Serpent. Everything they say about you is entirely untrue.”

“They believe I’m good at my job. Do you not agree?”

“You’re excellent at what you do Lan Fan. I just don’t want them thinking you’re…” He trailed off, unable to complete the sentence.

“That I’m what, my Lord?” There was the damned honorific again. He knew it was a force of habit when it slipped into their conversations, but that didn’t change that it always felt like a wall he could never quite get over. He struggled to find the right word before finally speaking.

“Cold.” She was far from the heartless guard dog they all painted her to be. Ling just wished there was a way he could show that to them.

“You aren’t cold Lan Fan. You’re kind and thoughtful and loyal and so much more than everything they shortchange you as.”

A pause and then...

“You think differently. That is more than enough.” Her words ground his train of thought to a halt. She took her hand, the human one, and placed into his palm. Ling knew she still had anxieties about her automail arm, but said nothing of it. He didn’t want to overcomplicate things when she was already allowing herself to be vulnerable.

“The world deserves to know though.”

“I don’t care about the world.” _I care about you_  is left unsaid. Still, Ling knew it was there.

When he leaned in to kiss her again, she met him half way and gave his hand a squeeze. As they kissed all he could think was _I want you, I want you, I don’t want anyone else. I love you._

  They hadn’t quite made it to those words yet, at least not out loud anyway, and he wondered idly as he found himself falling back against the grass and her on top of him if now would be a good time.

“Lan Fan.” She opened her eyes to look at him.

“Yes Ling?” His words were caught in his throat. Of all the times to get tongue-tied.

"I…”

“Your Eminence!”

  A call from just beyond the garden wall interrupted him. The voice belonged to the Royal Vizier, who sounded as though he was on the verge of a heart attack. And as quickly as she was there, she was gone. Off him and climbing to the top of the same tree she had first been in with all the grace and dexterity of a jungle cat.

“I’m in the garden,” he called in reply. He cursed the vizier under his breath. As the man rushed to him and went about his fussing, Ling decided drowning him in a sea of paperwork just might make up for the moment he had unwittingly ruined. From up above, a lone branched swayed, despite the lack of wind. Lan Fan was obviously holding herself back from laughing. Ling shot a glare up at the tree he knew only she would catch.

  As he found himself pulled back into the palace, back into all the grandeur and formality of being the Emperor of Xing, Ling found himself thinking that Lan Fan was wrong. Sneaking moments in the dark wasn’t going to be enough for him.

“Your Eminence, forgive my intrusion, but were you left alone in the garden long?” Ling knew all too well what he was really asking.

“The head of the Guard was with me. You have no need to be concerned about my safety.”

“Ah. I didn’t see her.”

  It took everything in Ling’s power to not make his next words sound bitter.

“I know.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! This is my first time writing for Lingfan and my first time posting on AO3 in general. These two have my whole heart and I just think their dynamic is so complicated and yet so simple. I really tried to capture that here. If you have any feedback for me, I'd love to hear it! Thanks for reading.


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